Sunday, January 29, 2012


I'm feeling fine even if it's hurt. I'm alone yesterday night, wasted my time, crying alone. No truth but lies that hurt me. I'm just having conversations with the thoughts in my head. All I hear are the lies you've told me. I won't be please to hear it once again. It would be wrong for me to say. I don't need you by my side. I don't need you in my life. I don't want to talk it out or hold you when you're sad. I don't want to say ' you're my kind. I don't want to say ' I wish you're mine'. I don't want to tell you ' I love you more than life'. Honestly, this won't do. How are you doing? I tell myself, I'm feeling swell. but I know, I'm such a fool. I could take it as a new beginning but you know, I don't feel that way. Who will take all this pain away? I know it's wrong for me to say about a sin. was the day, I walked into the other side. I would run back in. I wouldn't waste no time.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


I had ever wish that I was her, ever close my eyes and think about what could've been. I find it hard to breathe. Look at me, in my eyes. and tell me that you feel nothing inside. cause I can't wash you off my mind. so, I'll forget I love you. give up on us and don't want you anymore. I'll keep on lying to myself, cause we could've had it all. and I should keep pretending that you're only just an ordinary friend. Look at me, tell me lies.

I'm healing.

You and I had something beautiful. but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last. I loved you so but I let you go. cause I knew you'd never love me back. Such pain as this, shouldn't have to be experienced. I'm still reeling from the loss and still a bit delirious. Near to you, I am healing but it's taking so long. cause though you've gone but memories last forever. It's hard to move on. You and I have something different and I'm enjoying it cautiously. I'm battle scarred. I am working so hard, to get back to who I used to be. you're disappearing fading steadily. I'm so close to being yours.

Thursday, December 29, 2011


I'm still at this place. Still by your side, I'm tired of wandering. Today again I'm still spinning, flowing and flowing, day after day. That's how I'm here now. You knew of my hurting heart. I hurt when you smile.There is no excuse to laugh and pretend not to know. For not making you love me more, it's my mistake. For making myself love you more, it's my mistake. For not making you love me as much as I wanted you to, it's my mistake. How much more longer, must my tears fall? The lies telling me to wait even my deceived selfishness is now. Tired and worn. Knowing that I can't have you, my indulgent heart is still growing. After waiting alone all by myself, after regretting alone all by myself. It seem that loving you was also a mistake. For not knowing that I will never forget the pain. It's my mistake. I must look like such a fool, for knowing that I'll get hurt but not wanting to let go. Though everything is my fault even then, it's okay. As long as you are here always. Please forgive this kind of me, the me who loves you.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I'm still loving you.

When I close my eyes, I think of you and the time We've had been through. Even though we're far apart right now. I remember back when you were here with me. How you've make my world complete but now I'm left alone. We talked about love and life. Wishing we could start a life our own, I wish I could live without you. Why did you tear my heart apart, you said you love me from the start and all those painful things you've put me through. I'm still loving you. I've tried to give my best to you. I don't deserve the things you do. Everything has gone to memories. I just wish I know the truth behind the lies.

It's wrong for me to stay & love you.

Fate led you straight to me. You came and suddenly, I was weak beyond control. I had given you my soul. My life was no longer mine. I love you more than life itself. I never loved anyone else anymore. I've tried to stop myself so many times. It hurt me. A love like ours. Where can it go? I must be strong. Cause I know, it's wrong for me to stay and love you. One life won't let love grow, it has no place to go. So, I tell myself be strong but the world tells me, I was wrong. Cause life has the final say.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

If I ever let you go.

For the past me, my thought full of questions. Should I really let you go? and the now me. I'll say "It's time for you and me to go our separate ways". I'll always cherish of our days like there is no tomorrow. Your love was like the heavens from above. and it felt so real like a dream for me. I'll always keep you close here in my sleep. Even though it has been too long but you know, I'm always still holding on. Every time I see you, you make me wanna enchanted in your hand. but, I know. I couldn't. people may said, I'm a fighter. but, I'm not. I called myself. a betrayal. and I'm tired of it. how I wish you keep coming back to me. but, you never will. never did. you are more than a friend, dumb. I told my friends that I'll be okay. that things are over and I'm over it. It just keep getting better. They thinks that I'm just lying to myself. They don't even know that I am proving to myself. That I can be okay without you in my life. I'll do just fine like I know you'll be fine. I was born without you. and I shall live my life without you. I know, my heart want it. want you to be with me. I'll never gonna do so. how come, every time. I moved on. I will always be the same? There are things, I keep holding on. even though, I knew it will never be the same. When will I stop loving you?