Today I am happy because I don't have any reason not to be. LOL!:) quite been a long time, I never smile from my true heart. just you know, a fake smile may fool the crowd but it never eases the pain. don't say that I'm fake. I pretend to be happy, just so I would not have to explain why I'm not. alright? I don't want to talk about it. cause it means everything to me.now, I truly understand. you can trust without loving, but you can't love without trusting. to truly love you, I must trust. I trusted you.but, I'm just taking the grant not to be hurt by anyone including you. you know, you're wasn't in my vocabulary, until one day. you've became the only word my heart knew.
I miss missing you, miss being with you, & miss having conversations with you. but, I just have to act like I don't care. I'm alright without you. actually, I'm not. I'm not stronger enough anymore. It's useless to miss you. Life move on. I know that, I can't live my life for you. I have to do what's right for me. even if it hurts you.
You're no longer my everything, but you're still my someone. you're still the someone that I want to love and to be protect. The reason why I can't let go of you is because deep inside we still hope. am I right? Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions. I've did it. but, see? what did I get lastly? no response from cha:( I've forget who hurt me yesterday. but, I'll never forget who love me tenderly always. I thought that, even though things may going rough for me, I don't give up. the only way I lose is if I quit. I wanted everything to stay the same. with no feelings that had been faded and people who had change. can it be happening?I'm a girl who wants is to be loved, cared for and to be respected. three simple things can't be that hard, right?
Just because I don't talk to you, it doesn't mean I still don't think about you. I'm just dinstancing myself because I know someday you'll leave. Goodbye makes me think. It makes me realize who I had, what I've lost. and what I've taken for granted. and I don't want to lose it for the second time. I felt the loneliness. It was horrible. sometimes we turn out to an argument. I don't laugh or smile. and I don't need to. I'm being serious. all I need was a hug from you and it's mean everything for me. there are only four words that is so much better than I love you. that is 'I'm here to stay.' but, I'm really truly sorry to tell you that I don't understand you. Happiness is a choice. suffering is an option. why do you have to make 'us so suffering for being together? It began with a friendship, turned into relationship, transformed into love and ended with heartbreak.
I thought that a breakup could be the best solution. but, I'm wrong. change my thinking. change my life.It's really the memories that makes a simple goodbye hard to do. I messed up with your feeling, then apologized. I expecting it would go back to how it was before. but I know, it's never that easy. you may thought, an apology is an easy word to be told. but, it's not. an apology may be a sign of weakness, but having the courage to go up to someone and say sorry is actually a strength. You said you need a little time for my mistakes. I'll wait. but, don't used that time to have me replaced. alright? promise me, okay?:) crying might be the only way your eyes speak when your mouth can't explain how things made your heart broken. but, being with you teach me to be strong. I'll never cry so easily anymore. I'm the type of girl who can be so hurt but still look at you & smile and is willing to brighten your day even if I can't brighten my own.
I've hurt myself by hurting you. I'm sorry for blaming you. like everything! you know, I feel broke inside but I won't admit. sometimes I just wanna hide cause it's you I miss. and it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this. I don't wish to leave you. I don't want to say 'goodbye'. but, I'm just wanna gave up on this relationship. I'm so tired. you started this, let me end this relationship. I used to think that our love never end. I thought it will last forever. but, see! what's happening? I don't trust you, you're hurt, we've fight. and we've done with it. who can I love other than you? who can I love with my broken heart? It's hurt when you don't bother me. you don't talk to me. and you're even ignoring me. who am I to you? I knew that you're hurt do deeply inside, me either. but, please. don't treat me like this. IloveyouforthelasttimeIamtellingyouthis!:)
It was all my fault, my mistakes. I should have grown a trust on you and believe that you'll never hurt me. but now, it turn out is I'm having a power to hurt you. and I'll never thought that I've hurt you so deeply inside. what can I say, other than I'm sorry? what can I do, just to heal your wounds?I wish I knew what makes you happy so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. If only undo button exist in my reality, I wouldn't have done this way. I'm truly apologize for it!
